1
00:00:03,435 --> 00:00:07,505
[♪]
2
00:01:10,335 --> 00:01:12,037
[door slams]
3
00:01:26,251 --> 00:01:27,618
Nuh!
4
00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:34,625
Peg!
5
00:01:34,626 --> 00:01:37,528
Dinner!
6
00:01:37,529 --> 00:01:39,397
Peg no home.
7
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:45,036
She go shop.
We no eat.
8
00:01:45,037 --> 00:01:47,538
Kelly, why don't you cook up
old dad something to eat?
9
00:01:47,539 --> 00:01:50,241
Daddy, I am practically a woman.
10
00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:51,976
I don't cook.
11
00:01:51,977 --> 00:01:54,913
Why don't you just do
what I do when I get hungry?
12
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:56,614
Get a date.
13
00:01:56,615 --> 00:01:59,517
And slit your skirt
up to your chin.
14
00:02:03,488 --> 00:02:05,656
Bud, you don't date.
How do you eat?
15
00:02:05,657 --> 00:02:07,826
Well, just like
the proud indian,
16
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,493
I've learned
to live off the land.
17
00:02:09,494 --> 00:02:11,796
Now, for instance, well,
let me show you what I mean.
18
00:02:13,298 --> 00:02:14,465
Now...
19
00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:18,703
You see this crack
between the stove and the wall?
20
00:02:18,704 --> 00:02:21,572
Every now and then,
I'll find, say...A fuzzy mandm.
21
00:02:21,573 --> 00:02:22,607
Now...
22
00:02:22,608 --> 00:02:25,777
You just peel
the protective coating,
23
00:02:25,778 --> 00:02:29,180
And you've got a nice little
dose of simple carbohydrates,
24
00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:30,915
And don't throw away
that colorful shell.
25
00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:32,951
It makes a hearty base for soup.
26
00:02:34,519 --> 00:02:36,955
Well, then, I'll get the hanger,
and a little piece of gum,
27
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:37,856
And a-hunting we will go.
28
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,627
Oh, hi, kelly.
29
00:02:42,628 --> 00:02:45,296
Honey, help me hide these
before your father gets home.
30
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,167
Oh, ha ha.
31
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:50,434
Hi, al.
32
00:02:50,435 --> 00:02:52,203
Thanks, peg.
33
00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:56,174
I had a french fry on the hook,
and you made me drop it.
34
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,145
It'll be there tomorrow.
35
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:02,346
You know, I have a bone
to pick with you, al.
36
00:03:02,347 --> 00:03:04,715
There wouldn't be
any meat on it, would there?
37
00:03:04,716 --> 00:03:07,051
No.
38
00:03:07,052 --> 00:03:08,686
I am really upset.
39
00:03:08,687 --> 00:03:10,088
I went shopping today.
40
00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:11,990
You know, spending here,
spending there,
41
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:14,993
To warm up
to some serious shopping.
42
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:17,028
Well, just when
I was loose and ready...
43
00:03:17,029 --> 00:03:19,831
Bam! You ran out of money.
44
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:21,565
Look at these bags.
45
00:03:21,566 --> 00:03:23,201
This is what you make, al.
46
00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:24,669
All of it.
47
00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:31,309
I must be
the most patient woman on earth.
48
00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:34,578
Kids, I am sorry
you had to hear this.
49
00:03:34,579 --> 00:03:36,848
Oh, I wasn't listening, mom.
50
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:39,450
Oh, um, dad, could we have
some money to go out to dinner?
51
00:03:39,451 --> 00:03:40,751
Kids, today's Thursday.
52
00:03:40,752 --> 00:03:43,922
You know
we don't eat till Friday.
53
00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:46,757
Al, you are a total disgrace.
54
00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:48,459
Come here, kids.
55
00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:49,593
Here you go.
56
00:03:49,594 --> 00:03:50,962
You can always depend on mom.
57
00:03:50,963 --> 00:03:52,396
Thanks, mom.
Thanks, mom.
58
00:03:59,671 --> 00:04:01,639
There. You happy, al?
59
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,607
Now, I'm broke too.
60
00:04:03,608 --> 00:04:05,310
Well, we may as well
face it.
61
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:08,412
We just can't make it as
a single income family anymore.
62
00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:11,149
Me and the girls
talked about it over lunch,
63
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,450
And we all agree,
64
00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:15,686
You'll just have to
get a second job.
65
00:04:15,687 --> 00:04:18,522
You're that afraid
I'll live out the year, peg?
66
00:04:18,523 --> 00:04:20,959
What's wrong
with you getting a second job?
67
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,428
Peg, let me state this
as clearly as I can.
68
00:04:24,429 --> 00:04:28,166
I would rather rip off my nose
with a can opener.
69
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,902
I would rather
bob for apples in a sewer.
70
00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:35,606
I would rather have a catheter
the size of a garden hose...
71
00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:37,842
Before I get another job
to pay for your shopping.
72
00:04:37,843 --> 00:04:41,913
Think it over.
We'll talk about it later.
73
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:44,615
Damn ants got the gum.
74
00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:46,885
I have to get
one of my fishing rods.
75
00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:49,587
Oh, and peg,
by the way,
76
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:52,357
Have I told you today
that I loved you?
77
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,391
No, al.
78
00:04:59,464 --> 00:05:01,900
Hi, peggy.
79
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,401
I know it's dinner time,
80
00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:06,637
But I wanted to catch you
before you called in your order.
81
00:05:06,638 --> 00:05:07,906
Gee, I'm glad you're here.
82
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,741
I am working on a way
to increase our income.
83
00:05:10,742 --> 00:05:12,810
Oh, you looking
for a job?
84
00:05:12,811 --> 00:05:14,345
Oh, come on.
85
00:05:14,346 --> 00:05:15,780
It's for al.
86
00:05:15,781 --> 00:05:18,616
He really needs a second job.
87
00:05:18,617 --> 00:05:20,351
I mean, he comes home from work,
88
00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:24,422
And has nothing to do
but sit back and watch that tv.
89
00:05:24,423 --> 00:05:27,292
That's no kind of life
for a man.
90
00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:29,760
This should revitalize him.
91
00:05:29,761 --> 00:05:31,062
Hey!
92
00:05:31,063 --> 00:05:34,299
"chicken plucker."
93
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,935
Pays more than a shoe salesman.
94
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:38,202
Uh-oh.
95
00:05:38,203 --> 00:05:40,905
"must have good personality."
96
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:42,907
Oh, well.
97
00:05:42,908 --> 00:05:44,375
Hmm, "sperm donors."
98
00:05:47,179 --> 00:05:52,250
Whoops. They want someone
with experience.
99
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:53,818
You know,
100
00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:56,287
I have a friend that runs
a pit-bull-training school.
101
00:05:56,288 --> 00:05:58,022
Does al have a protective cup?
102
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:01,659
What for?
103
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:03,694
I'll put it down as a maybe.
104
00:06:03,695 --> 00:06:04,762
Yeah, well,
think about it.
105
00:06:04,763 --> 00:06:06,130
He could
work his way up
106
00:06:06,131 --> 00:06:08,466
To the guy with
the tranquilizer gun.
107
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:09,767
Mm, I don't know.
108
00:06:09,768 --> 00:06:12,170
Al's aim
isn't very good.
109
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,038
You've seen
our bathroom.
110
00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:20,511
And your children.
111
00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:29,487
Now, this looks perfect.
112
00:06:29,488 --> 00:06:31,089
"no skills,
no experience,
113
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,891
No brain required."
114
00:06:33,892 --> 00:06:36,694
Well, that's everything
but his name.
115
00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:37,728
Listen.
116
00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:40,264
"the patty brite company
is looking for you
117
00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:42,166
"to distribute
an exciting new line
118
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:43,868
"of patty brite cosmetics.
119
00:06:43,869 --> 00:06:45,769
"unlimited
growth potential,
120
00:06:45,770 --> 00:06:49,007
Work in your own home,
earn lots of s's."
121
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:52,110
Those are dollar signs, peg.
122
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:54,879
Even better!
123
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,447
Then it's settled.
124
00:06:56,448 --> 00:06:58,149
Al is gonna be a patty girl.
125
00:06:58,150 --> 00:07:00,051
Don't you think you
should check with al?
126
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:01,152
Hey.
127
00:07:01,153 --> 00:07:03,821
I did not have two children
checking with al.
128
00:07:05,657 --> 00:07:07,058
Generally, we feel
129
00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:09,394
You are your own
best advertisement,
130
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:12,296
So we like our patty girls
to wear our cosmetics.
131
00:07:12,297 --> 00:07:15,833
Would your husband have
a problem wearing makeup?
132
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:20,071
Madam, my husband
sells women's shoes.
133
00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:21,906
Oh.
134
00:07:21,907 --> 00:07:22,973
Well, at least
135
00:07:22,974 --> 00:07:24,775
That shows
he'll do anything.
136
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,114
Ugh...
137
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:35,286
Very good.
138
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:37,422
And, after a few months
of selling patty products,
139
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:39,457
He'll be able
to dump that day job.
140
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,159
I dumped my day job.
141
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,593
What was your day job?
142
00:07:42,594 --> 00:07:43,961
Phone sex.
143
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:49,200
You make that much?
144
00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:51,469
Oh, this is too good for al.
Tell me more.
145
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:54,205
Well, there are
the patty parties.
146
00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:55,373
You go to parties?
147
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,041
That's the job.
148
00:07:57,042 --> 00:07:58,276
You see,
you throw parties,
149
00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,410
Have your friends over,
150
00:07:59,411 --> 00:08:01,179
Then watch the products
sell themselves
151
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,846
While you just sit
and do nothing.
152
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,385
Well, I can do that.
153
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:10,854
And to think
I was just giving it away.
154
00:08:10,855 --> 00:08:12,256
Well, what do I need
to start?
155
00:08:12,257 --> 00:08:16,160
Just a deep and abiding
belief in makeup,
156
00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:20,531
And our super-deluxe
"patty party starter" kit.
157
00:08:20,532 --> 00:08:21,899
Well, how much
does that cost?
158
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,501
$250.
159
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,436
Oh, but that's just
a drop in the bucket
160
00:08:25,437 --> 00:08:27,371
Compared to your first
month's commish.
161
00:08:27,372 --> 00:08:30,341
Well, just how much commish
are we talking about?
162
00:08:33,878 --> 00:08:35,413
Whoa!
163
00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:36,547
Will you take a check?
164
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:37,681
Sure.
165
00:08:37,682 --> 00:08:39,016
Does it have to be good?
166
00:08:39,017 --> 00:08:40,485
No.
167
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:43,387
We'll just put a lien
against your husband's wages.
168
00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:44,589
I'm in!
169
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,556
[both laughing]
170
00:08:48,059 --> 00:08:49,059
Peggy: Yes,
171
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:51,162
I did get last week's commish,
172
00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:55,233
And a nice commish it was too.
173
00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:57,768
Okay, here's this week's order.
174
00:08:57,769 --> 00:09:00,605
One dozen patty powder puffs,
175
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:02,806
A quart of chin-away,
176
00:09:02,807 --> 00:09:04,275
One dozen
177
00:09:04,276 --> 00:09:07,945
"he'll think it's
someone else's eyes" liner,
178
00:09:07,946 --> 00:09:10,114
And one vat of "unh" perfume...
179
00:09:12,684 --> 00:09:15,719
In addition to my regular order.
180
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,255
Okay, thanks,
181
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:21,259
And you have a patty day too!
182
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,261
That was delicious, daddy.
183
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:24,928
Oh, yeah.
184
00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:26,597
We're sorry
you didn't have enough money
185
00:09:26,598 --> 00:09:29,167
For you to eat, dad.
186
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,368
Well, that's okay.
187
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:33,304
That sugar water
really filled me up.
188
00:09:33,305 --> 00:09:35,906
What matters is that you two
had a nice, nutritious meal.
189
00:09:35,907 --> 00:09:37,775
I just hope
my begging and whining
190
00:09:37,776 --> 00:09:39,377
Didn't bother you.
191
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,880
Well, not after we had
the waiter kick you out.
192
00:09:42,881 --> 00:09:45,082
Al, can I ask you something?
193
00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:48,586
No, we can't
have any more children.
194
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,154
Not that.
195
00:09:50,155 --> 00:09:53,724
If ever the day should come
when I find a little job,
196
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:55,926
Is it all right
if I keep the money I make?
197
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:57,628
Peg, if ever the day should come
198
00:09:57,629 --> 00:09:59,930
When somebody pays you
for what you do,
199
00:09:59,931 --> 00:10:01,165
Grab it and spend it quickly,
200
00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:04,835
Because the world
is coming to an end.
201
00:10:04,836 --> 00:10:06,571
Thank you, al.
202
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:07,672
Thank you.
203
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,774
Look what I made.
204
00:10:10,775 --> 00:10:12,276
Look,
it's a check...
205
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:13,711
With mom's name
on it.
206
00:10:13,712 --> 00:10:15,580
We love you, mommy.
207
00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:22,486
Save your breath.
208
00:10:22,487 --> 00:10:24,522
Daddy said
I could keep it.
209
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:25,690
Okay, peg.
210
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,325
I know that oprah
isn't paying people
211
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:29,660
To watch her show
with their mouths open,
212
00:10:29,661 --> 00:10:31,128
So how'd you
get the money?
213
00:10:31,129 --> 00:10:33,664
I'm a patty brite girl.
214
00:10:33,665 --> 00:10:36,534
I sell cosmetics
in my spare time.
215
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:38,402
So it's a full-time job?
216
00:10:40,038 --> 00:10:44,542
No, but it's full-time pay.
217
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:47,778
Gee, dad, mom
makes more than you.
218
00:10:47,779 --> 00:10:52,182
Do we still have
to call him "dad"?
219
00:10:52,183 --> 00:10:54,619
Or do we
call you "dad"?
220
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,521
Well, I think
the check speaks for itself.
221
00:10:57,522 --> 00:10:59,823
Let's go to the mall now.
You can watch me spend.
222
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,496
Dad, can you
pinpoint for us
223
00:11:05,497 --> 00:11:08,499
The exact moment that
life passed you by?
224
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,435
Son, life didn't pass me by...
225
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:14,805
It sat on my head.
226
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:18,276
Well, I still
love you, daddy.
227
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:20,378
I just don't have
any respect for you.
228
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:22,446
Well, pumpkin,
the feeling is mutual.
229
00:11:22,447 --> 00:11:23,314
Aw.
230
00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:26,550
Oh, don't worry, al.
231
00:11:26,551 --> 00:11:29,119
It's not like I'm going
to rub your nose in it.
232
00:11:30,555 --> 00:11:32,856
[shouting]
everyone, guess what!
233
00:11:32,857 --> 00:11:35,125
I make more money
than my husband!
234
00:11:45,637 --> 00:11:48,572
Well, I guess
when you come right down to it,
235
00:11:48,573 --> 00:11:51,542
All a guy has is his dog.
236
00:11:51,543 --> 00:11:52,810
[growls]
237
00:12:24,042 --> 00:12:25,376
Woman:
Well, al,
238
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:28,111
What do you want to be
when you grow up?
239
00:12:28,112 --> 00:12:31,215
Young al:
President of the United States.
240
00:12:31,216 --> 00:12:34,117
Woman:
Then someday you will.
241
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:36,654
Yeah, right, mom.
242
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:39,223
Try saying that
when you're sober.
243
00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:43,126
[doorbell rings]
244
00:12:47,232 --> 00:12:48,632
Oh, what do you want, steve?
245
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:50,634
I was about to eat
and fight cavities.
246
00:12:54,339 --> 00:12:56,774
I just heard the news
about peggy's income.
247
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,843
Well, actually,
I didn't hear it.
248
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:02,279
The neighborhood women
spray-painted it on your car.
249
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,181
You sure it was paint?
250
00:13:04,182 --> 00:13:05,949
Or was it man blood?
251
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:08,452
Aw, buck up, al.
252
00:13:08,453 --> 00:13:10,153
So peggy's got a
bigger income than you.
253
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:11,321
So what?
254
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,824
Does that make you
less of a man?
255
00:13:13,825 --> 00:13:16,394
Oh, sure, if you believe
what's written on your car.
256
00:13:16,395 --> 00:13:18,228
But, that aside, there
are plenty of positives
257
00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:19,563
To a two-income family.
258
00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:23,166
Like what, begging the wife
for some extra cash?
259
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,135
Well, if you
ask her just right,
260
00:13:25,136 --> 00:13:28,539
You can walk away
with some nice pin money.
261
00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,408
I know,
you give up a little--
262
00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:32,476
Steve, you've seen my life.
263
00:13:32,477 --> 00:13:33,944
A little is all I've got.
264
00:13:35,747 --> 00:13:37,481
I know, al,
265
00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:39,182
But the important thing is,
266
00:13:39,183 --> 00:13:42,420
Women have to work
for their self-esteem.
267
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:43,921
I'm proud of marcie.
268
00:13:43,922 --> 00:13:46,624
I mean, even if we have to
share the cooking duties
269
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,092
Because she's tired from work.
270
00:13:49,093 --> 00:13:52,863
Of course, my mother worked
and she cooked every day.
271
00:13:52,864 --> 00:13:54,665
Good too.
272
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:55,933
Not like those
frozen fish sticks
273
00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:58,969
And tater tots
marcie calls dinner.
274
00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:00,971
But I'm happy.
275
00:14:00,972 --> 00:14:04,742
Yep, I'm just a...
276
00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:10,013
A happy tater-totting,
fish-sticking man.
277
00:14:15,219 --> 00:14:17,688
Pretty pathetic,
steve.
278
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:19,156
No kidding.
279
00:14:19,157 --> 00:14:21,692
Well, at least
yours has a skill.
280
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:23,727
I mean, if peggy could
nag in sign language,
281
00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:27,197
She wouldn't need
a head at all.
282
00:14:27,198 --> 00:14:29,366
How can she
earn more than me?
283
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:30,233
I can't...
284
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:37,040
Would you like some floss
with that, steve?
285
00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:41,345
I can't let her beat me.
286
00:14:41,346 --> 00:14:42,446
What I have to do
287
00:14:42,447 --> 00:14:44,247
Is get a second job
and not tell peg.
288
00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:46,450
That way, I'll seem like
I'm a better salesman than her,
289
00:14:46,451 --> 00:14:48,552
And I'll get back
my self-respect.
290
00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:08,639
Captain [over intercom]:
Beam me up a burger, bundy,
warp speed.
291
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,008
People out there
dying for kangaroo, huh?
292
00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:16,013
That's right.
Tell the world, bundy.
293
00:15:31,429 --> 00:15:33,030
Ah...
294
00:15:41,372 --> 00:15:43,106
You didn't make
the noise, bundy.
295
00:15:46,177 --> 00:15:47,444
Whoosh.
296
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:53,617
Hey...
297
00:15:53,618 --> 00:15:55,853
We got a lot of unhappy
passengers out there,
298
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:57,755
Crewman bundy.
299
00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,189
Talk to me
like a person.
300
00:15:59,190 --> 00:16:02,459
Oh, um, like, okay, like,
old dude...
301
00:16:04,996 --> 00:16:07,932
Um, I had to leave the bridge
to tell you this, but, um,
302
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:10,100
We've had lots of complaints
about this burger.
303
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:11,134
What's wrong?
304
00:16:11,135 --> 00:16:12,636
You tell me what's wrong.
305
00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:14,638
Some pouch get in there?
306
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:19,543
Look, there's no place at
burger trek for a rebel, bundy.
307
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:21,144
Come on, you know,
we've got, like,
308
00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:23,180
A mission to accomplish.
309
00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:27,051
Both:
To go where no burger
has gone before.
310
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:28,518
Okay. Yeah, right.
That's good.
311
00:16:28,519 --> 00:16:32,522
Well, let's just start
from the beginning, okay?
312
00:16:32,523 --> 00:16:34,391
What goes on
a hamburger?
313
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:36,794
Tomato, onion,
ketchup, pickle,
314
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:40,564
And a squirt
of beef squeezings.
315
00:16:40,565 --> 00:16:42,332
Okay, now, that is
our special sauce, bundy,
316
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:43,433
And that goes on last.
317
00:16:43,434 --> 00:16:44,702
You've been putting yours on
first,
318
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:48,171
And it's been washing
the coloring off the tomatoes.
319
00:16:50,108 --> 00:16:52,109
Get with the program, bundy.
320
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:53,877
You're a disgrace to the hat.
321
00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:55,946
Aw, clean your station.
322
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:01,885
Marry a redhead.
323
00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:11,595
[groans]
324
00:17:13,397 --> 00:17:15,365
You know,
when I took this job,
325
00:17:15,366 --> 00:17:17,901
They didn't say
anything about cooking.
326
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:22,539
Ugh.
327
00:17:32,517 --> 00:17:36,553
Oh, there's some
burger fur in there.
328
00:17:36,554 --> 00:17:38,255
And why isn't
bundy doing this?
329
00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:41,191
The captain didn't think
he was ready.
330
00:17:41,192 --> 00:17:43,527
I mean, look at
the poor old guy.
331
00:17:43,528 --> 00:17:46,063
I mean,
why would
332
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:49,099
A 60-year-old man
333
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,501
Want to work
in this dump?
334
00:17:51,502 --> 00:17:52,770
To meet chicks.
335
00:18:00,645 --> 00:18:02,880
Oh, bundy, bundy, bundy.
336
00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:07,951
Whoosh!
337
00:18:07,952 --> 00:18:09,687
No, no, no, no.
It's not that.
338
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:12,890
Look. You pulled
another burger boner.
339
00:18:15,026 --> 00:18:17,161
What did I do,
send one out hot?
340
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,229
No, you sent one out
without onions.
341
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:20,864
Damn.
342
00:18:20,865 --> 00:18:21,999
Look, bundy,
343
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,434
Hey, I'm not a bad guy.
344
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:27,504
Let's just talk, like,
you know, dude to dude, okay?
345
00:18:27,505 --> 00:18:28,706
See, I'm up on the bridge,
346
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,140
And I'm trying
to do my homework.
347
00:18:30,141 --> 00:18:32,176
I mean, what do you
want me to do, like,
348
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:36,646
Flunk out of school and become,
like, a bum or a shoe salesman?
349
00:18:36,647 --> 00:18:40,584
Look. Look,
just get back to work.
350
00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:42,920
God, I never should
have fired my dad.
351
00:18:48,893 --> 00:18:50,393
Would the crewman
who overflowed the toilet
352
00:18:50,394 --> 00:18:52,930
Please report
to the bridge?
353
00:19:01,606 --> 00:19:03,006
Here's another
commission check
354
00:19:03,007 --> 00:19:05,675
From patty brite
cosmetics.
355
00:19:05,676 --> 00:19:07,410
How does she do it, steve?
356
00:19:07,411 --> 00:19:08,678
How can she make more money
357
00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:11,681
Than a man who sells
shoes and burgers?
358
00:19:11,682 --> 00:19:16,553
Al, I made more than you
losing a tooth when I was a kid.
359
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:22,893
Well, how would you like to make
a fortune tonight, steve?
360
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:28,598
I can't believe it.
361
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:30,400
She can't sell
more than me.
362
00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:33,103
Her customers
must be morons.
363
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:34,337
A list of idiots
like that
364
00:19:34,338 --> 00:19:35,538
Could really
be worth a fortune
365
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:36,940
To a good salesman.
366
00:19:36,941 --> 00:19:40,577
Damn! I wish I could
find that list.
367
00:19:40,578 --> 00:19:41,945
Well, maybe
there's a clue
368
00:19:41,946 --> 00:19:44,948
In this book that says,
"peggy's customers."
369
00:19:44,949 --> 00:19:48,485
Give me that, steve.
That might be it.
370
00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:49,920
Now, get a pen,
write this down.
371
00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:52,122
Ah! Here we go.
372
00:19:52,123 --> 00:19:53,623
"peggy bundy,
373
00:19:53,624 --> 00:19:54,958
"peggy bundy,
374
00:19:54,959 --> 00:19:57,460
Peggy bundy."
375
00:19:57,461 --> 00:19:59,496
Ah, here it is.
376
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:01,131
"peggy bundy."
377
00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:02,933
Look, al, why don't
we just skip over her
378
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:03,934
And get to the people
379
00:20:03,935 --> 00:20:04,935
Who actually
bought the cosmetics.
380
00:20:04,936 --> 00:20:06,203
Alrighty.
381
00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:07,905
"peggy bundy,
382
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,506
"peggy bundy,
383
00:20:09,507 --> 00:20:11,942
Peggy bundy."
384
00:20:11,943 --> 00:20:14,878
She's her own
customer, steve!
385
00:20:14,879 --> 00:20:17,414
All this time she's been
buying all this stuff herself.
386
00:20:17,415 --> 00:20:18,581
[laughs]
387
00:20:18,582 --> 00:20:20,851
Al, your life is pathetic.
388
00:20:24,088 --> 00:20:25,155
Marcie:
Steve!
389
00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:27,324
The fish sticks
are thawing!
390
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,335
Carp tonight.
391
00:20:38,336 --> 00:20:39,203
Yum!
392
00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:48,245
Oh, peg!
393
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:50,680
Could you come here a minute,
please?
394
00:20:52,516 --> 00:20:54,351
What is it, al?
395
00:20:54,352 --> 00:20:55,853
Did I get another
commission check?
396
00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:58,755
Did I? Did I? Huh? Huh?
397
00:20:58,756 --> 00:20:59,789
Yes, you did.
398
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:01,892
Whee!
399
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:04,194
Yes, "whee" indeed.
400
00:21:04,195 --> 00:21:05,896
Peg, since you're now
an entrepreneur,
401
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:07,697
I thought it might
be a good idea
402
00:21:07,698 --> 00:21:10,667
For you to learn something
about business.
403
00:21:10,668 --> 00:21:12,402
From you?
404
00:21:12,403 --> 00:21:15,105
Why not? You've taken
everything else from me.
405
00:21:15,106 --> 00:21:18,041
You see, pookie,
406
00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:21,211
Since you're the only one
buying your cosmetics,
407
00:21:21,212 --> 00:21:22,612
You're not really
making any money.
408
00:21:22,613 --> 00:21:24,614
Oh, yes, I am.
409
00:21:24,615 --> 00:21:26,116
They send me checks.
410
00:21:26,117 --> 00:21:27,284
Ah, yes,
411
00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:29,319
But you send them
much bigger ones,
412
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,855
And that's what we call
in the world of business
413
00:21:31,856 --> 00:21:34,858
"sending your husband
rocketing to the poorhouse."
414
00:21:36,527 --> 00:21:38,628
Why didn't you
sell any makeup, peg?
415
00:21:38,629 --> 00:21:41,431
Well, like
I told the girls,
416
00:21:41,432 --> 00:21:44,368
It's not very good.
417
00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:46,403
Well, then, why did
you keep buying it?
418
00:21:46,404 --> 00:21:49,106
'cause that's how
I make my money.
419
00:21:53,177 --> 00:21:55,879
How much do we owe
for the cosmetics, peg?
420
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,314
Minus my commission?
421
00:21:58,149 --> 00:22:00,050
Yes.
422
00:22:01,852 --> 00:22:05,555
$623.
423
00:22:05,556 --> 00:22:09,793
Well, at least you're
not in real estate.
424
00:22:09,794 --> 00:22:11,094
Where you going?
425
00:22:11,095 --> 00:22:12,930
We owe a lot of money, peg.
426
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,798
I know what I have to do.
427
00:22:20,738 --> 00:22:23,941
Captain: You didn't
make the noise, bundy.
428
00:22:27,845 --> 00:22:29,279
Whoosh.
429
00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:45,195
[♪]